A woman in Oakland, California can now file a discrimination complaint if her landlord refuses to rent to her because she has two committed partners.
This became possible in May 2024, when Berkeley passed legislation protecting people in nontraditional relationships from discrimination in housing, city services, and businesses. Oakland passed similar protections a month earlier. These are believed to be the first laws of their kind on the West Coast.
Something has happened to dating that legislation is now catching up to. The rules people once followed, the timelines they adhered to, the structures they accepted without question, have loosened. Relationships that would have been whispered about or hidden entirely now appear in app profiles, survey data, and city council chambers.
Where People Meet Has Already Changed
The traditional story of meeting through friends, at church, or at school has been replaced. A 2024 report from PNAS found that 60% of couples now meet their spouse online.
The Knot surveyed nearly 8,000 recently engaged couples and found that dating apps were the most common meeting point for three consecutive years. Nearly 30% of engaged couples met on an app.
This matters because apps allow people to state what they want before the first message. Filters exist for relationship type, lifestyle preferences, and intentions. A person looking for something outside the conventional can find others with the same goals in minutes rather than years.
Relationship Types That Once Stayed Quiet
People now state their preferences openly in ways that were uncommon a decade ago. Dating apps report users listing terms like “ethically nonmonogamous” and “polyamorous” in their profiles at rates 500% higher than three years ago, according to Feeld.
Some users pursue sugar daddy dating or other practical relationships, while others seek polyamorous connections or casual arrangements. The variety of stated intentions has grown.
This openness does not mean monogamy has disappeared. Feeld’s 2024 State of Dating Report, co-authored with Dr. Justin Lehmiller of the Kinsey Institute, found that 23% of Gen Z users preferred monogamy above all other relationship types. The difference now is that alternatives exist beside it without the same level of secrecy.
The Numbers on Non-Monogamy
More than 20% of single adults in the United States have participated in some form of consensual nonmonogamy at least once. About 4% to 5% of Americans practice polyamory as an ongoing relationship structure.
A February 2023 YouGov poll found that 34% of Americans describe their ideal relationship as something other than complete monogamy. A 2022 survey showed 30% of U.S. adults support legalizing polyamory. Among those aged 18 to 44, support reached 42%.
The 2024 Match Singles in America report adds context. While 31% of American singles have explored consensual non-monogamy, 49% still say traditional sexual monogamy is their ideal. People are trying things. Not everyone is converting.
On OkCupid, 33% of users said they would consider an open relationship in recent surveys, up from 27% in 2014.
Gen Z Wants Monogamy But Dates Differently
The data on younger people is contradictory in interesting ways. According to Feeld’s report, 81% of Gen Z users fantasize about monogamy. Among them, 44% fantasize about it often, nearly twice as much as older generations. When asked to rank their ideal relationship type, Gen Z placed monogamy first, above polyamory and situationships.
Yet they are arriving at relationships later. Only 56% of Gen Z adults reported having a romantic partner as a teenager. For millennials, that number was 69%. For Gen X, 76%.
Hinge’s Gen Z Report from February 2024 found that 90% of Gen Z users want to find love. But 56% said worrying about rejection has stopped them from pursuing a potential relationship. Gen Z daters are 47% more likely than millennials to say the pandemic made them nervous talking to people.
Her Campus Media reported in 2024 that more than 40% of Gen Z are in serious relationships, and 27% are looking for a long-term partner. An overwhelming 93% said they were interested in marriage.
The apparent contradiction resolves when you look at the order of priorities. According to Tinder’s 2023 Future of Dating Report, getting married ranks fourth on millennials’ long-term goal lists. For Gen Z, marriage drops to tenth. Personal growth and well-being rank highest.
They want monogamy. They want marriage. They want it later, and they want to be ready.
Older Generations Have Different Preferences
Feeld’s data shows that preferences vary by age. Among Gen Z, 23% listed monogamy as their preferred relationship type. For millennials, only 16% preferred monogamy. For Gen X, it dropped to 9%.
The most preferred type for millennials and Gen X was ethical non-monogamy, at 24% and 27% respectively. For boomers, the top choice was friends with benefits at 27%.
These numbers suggest something worth noting. The generation most visibly associated with changing relationship norms, Gen Z, holds more traditional preferences than those who came before them.
The Role of Apps in All of This
Globally, 381 million people used dating apps in 2024. Projections suggest that number will grow to 452 million by 2028. In the U.S., 30% of adults have used a dating app. Among people under 30, that figure is 53%. Among LGBTQ+ individuals, 51%.
A new relationship begins every 3 seconds on Tinder. Bumble’s 2025 research found that 87% of its members report positive outcomes from dating, including increased confidence and better self-awareness about what they want.
The apps themselves are documenting behavioral changes. Tinder’s 2024 Year in Swipe report identified trends including “Nano-ships,” which refer to small, meaningful connections that may not become long-term relationships but still hold value. Users are also engaging in “Loud Looking,” which means confidently stating their needs upfront.
The mechanics of modern dating reward directness. A profile states what someone wants. Filters sort by compatibility. Conversations can start with shared expectations. This infrastructure enables unconventional arrangements to form with less friction.
Legal Recognition Follows Social Change
Brett Chamberlin, founder of the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy, called the Oakland and Berkeley legislation “a really exciting moment” because it protects families and relationships that have existed at the margins for a long time.
Somerville and Cambridge in Massachusetts passed similar laws in recent years, granting rights to nontraditional families. These measures address discrimination in housing, employment, and city services.
The 2024 OPEN Community Survey found that 60% of non-monogamous respondents reported experiencing stigma or discrimination in at least one area of life. Legal protections are a response to documented problems, not abstract gestures.
What All This Means
The patterns are not uniform. Young people lean traditional in their stated ideals but delay commitment. Older generations show more openness to non-monogamy. Apps enable all of it by letting people sort and filter before meeting.
Unconventional romances have not replaced conventional ones. They have taken space next to them. The person swiping for a long-term monogamous partner and the person seeking a polyamorous triad use the same technology, sometimes the same app. Neither has to pretend to be looking for something else.
That is the change. Not a replacement, but an addition. The quiet has become loud.
